Struggle

I’ve known my fair share of struggles in this life. Sometimes I think that’s all I know. That my life is just strand after strand of struggle, haphazardly stitched together to somehow resemble a life.

I look back on this life I’ve made, and it appears I was never really living at all. Merely existing. Hazily going through the motions, day after day, doing what I had to do and nothing more. Because that is my normal. 

I don’t let people in. They won’t like what they see. I don’t like what I see. I have my good qualities, but they are covered with all of the cuts and bruises of a life that’s worn me down. Day by day, turning into years of a battle that I’m not sure was a win or a loss.

Now it seems I’ve hit the bottom. And I’ve been here before, but it’s different this time. I have exhausted myself trying to keep everything in its place, yet it still managed to crash down on top of me. I don’t know what goes where, or how to piece it back together so that it resembles normalcy again.

The thing about fading away is no one notices. Maybe a few, but for the most part, everyone goes on living their lives in exactly the same manner. No one gives you a second thought, because, why would they? You weren’t engaging, that would have exhausted all of your energy. So you were invisible and get hurt that no one saw you.

Is it the loss that you’ve suffered, or the lack of anyone noticing that hurts the most? Hard to say. They both suck the life out of you in the end.

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